If I say I'm a very busy person and the first thing you ask is "Oh, do you have kids?" I want to hit you. Hard. Or cut you. Except I wear my good clothes for work and bloodstains are a bitch to get out.

Don't tell me pets aren't distracting and that's a lousy excuse. I've spent the last forty minutes doing epic battle with my cat while trying to do schoolwork. She's still here, staring and purring. She has claws. Yes, she's fucking distracting. For all those who have never had a cat and tell me to toss her out of the room? You can pay for the damages to the door.

Also, the next time someone tells me that I have such and such time to do such and such activity because I don't have kids? I know enough forensics to ensure no one ever finds your body. I'm also small and blond and adorable. No one will ever blame me.

Thank you.